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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?